Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 3:00 PM UTC

Friday, October 9, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

Selling Souls, One Customer at a Time.
Original: TechCrunch Disrupt 2026: Gamma’s Grant Lee, Engine’s Elia Wallen, and GV’s Crystal Huang on landing your first 1,000 customers
TechCrunch 1h ago

World ★ 5 stories

Justice? They Have a Price Tag.
Original: US imposes sanctions on ICC, hours after former judge Pillay wins Nobel peace prize - live
The Guardian World 1h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Own Nothing. Thrive.
Original: Mortgage rates are soaring. In America, the smart money rents.
MarketWatch 1h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Carrie’s a Phase, Apparently.
Original: TV’s Newest Scream Queen Summer H. Howell Has Been Preparing for ‘Carrie’ Her Whole Life
Hollywood Reporter 1h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories