Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 9:00 AM UTC

Friday, October 9, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Democracy: Still a show.
Original: Labour wins Holborn and St Pancras byelection; Polanski ‘absolutely’ intends to remain Green party leader – UK politics live
The Guardian World 1h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Love is a depreciating asset.
Original: Jelly Roll and Bunnie Xo set to sell $7 million Tennessee home he gave her in divorce
MarketWatch 1h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

German TV: Peak Human Achievement.
Original: Bavaria Media Intl. Unveils Mipcom Slate Including German TV Hits ‘Mordach,’ ‘Home-Made Christmas’ and ‘Throughout the Years’ (EXCLUSIVE)
Variety 2h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories

Money Always Wins.
Original: Everton owners consider selling club two years after takeover
BBC Sport 1h ago