Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 3:00 AM UTC

Wednesday, September 30, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

Thin is the New Blackmail.
Original: Most powerful obesity drug yet: People lost up to 25% of weight in trial
Ars Technica 5h ago

World ★ 5 stories

Politicians Shocked! Prices Still Go Up.
Original: Australia news live: Greens leader David Shoebridge says he didn’t expect Larissa Waters departure; inflation climbs to 4% in year to August
The Guardian World 1h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Eighty and Equitied: Stairs or Hospice?
Original: ‘I have $400,000 in equity’: I’m 80. Should I sell my house because of dangerous stairs — or spend thousands renovating?
MarketWatch 3h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Disney Nostalgia: A Toxic Mix.
Original: Christy Carlson Romano Says She and ‘Even Stevens’ Co-Star Shia LaBeouf Were ‘Like Oil and Water’ While Filming the Disney Channel Show
Variety 1h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories