Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 1:00 PM UTC

Monday, September 28, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

US Saves World From Itself, Again.
Original: US response to UN pandemic talks ‘severely weakens’ global planning, says leading health expert
The Guardian World 1h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Skinny Vision Awaits.
Original: Taking Ozempic? A routine eye exam could help you understand your risk for vision loss.
MarketWatch 1h ago
Patriotism Pays.
Original: Alan Jackson’s 9/11 Tribute Song Rises To A New Chart Peak
Forbes Business 2h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Casey Affleck Still Sorry For Existing.
Original: Casey Affleck Recalls ‘Traumatic’ Oscars Night, Praises Christopher Nolan, and Says ‘Company’ Isn’t Finished Yet: ‘There Are Things I Want to Change’
Variety 1h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories