Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 7:00 PM UTC

Friday, September 25, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Welcome to Peak Surveillance.
Original: Government can use Social Security data to identify noncitizen voters, Supreme Court rules
Washington Post Politics 2h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

AI Gets Bailout. Surprise.
Original: Ahead of US IPO, British AI neocloud Nscale secures $3.36B in convertible financing
TechCrunch 1h ago

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

Just Swoosh It Off.
Original: Nike’s stock is one of the worst in the S&P 500 — and BofA says it’s not done sliding
MarketWatch 1h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Sports ★ 5 stories