Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 11:00 PM UTC

Wednesday, May 20, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Heroism Has a Price Tag.
Original: News Wrap: Officers who defended Capitol on Jan. 6 sue to block $1.8B fund
PBS NewsHour Politics 1h ago
Justice? Please.
Original: DOJ's tax settlement with Trump sets 'dangerous precedent,' former IRS commissioner says
PBS NewsHour Politics 1h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Trump Guarantees Peace. Just Like Always.
Original: Trump says ‘there won’t be escalation’ with Cuba after US indictment of former president Raúl Castro – US politics live
The Guardian World 1h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Lip Gloss? Try Gas.
Original: Gen Z may be shying away from cosmetics, as higher gas prices hit spending
MarketWatch 1h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Oscar's Still Got Bite.
Original: Rami Malek Cries During 8-Minute Cannes Standing Ovation for Ira Sachs’ Gay Drama ‘The Man I Love’
Variety 1h ago
Illinois Declares War on Taste.
Original: Illinois Name-Checks ‘The Bear’ in Proclaiming Italian Beef as Official State Sandwich
Hollywood Reporter 1h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories