Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 7:00 AM UTC

Wednesday, May 13, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Nebraska Sends Its Best.
Original: Adrian Smith wins Republican nomination for U.S. House in Nebraska's 3rd Congressional District
ABC News Politics 1h ago
Naturally.
Original: Former private prison official to serve as acting ICE chief
NPR Politics 6h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Justice Delayed, Like a Pizza Delivery.
Original: Police drop charges against Palestinian Australian protester arrested at Isaac Herzog rally as more set to be withdrawn
The Guardian World 1h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Power still funny, apparently.
Original: Watch Julia Louis-Dreyfus Channel ‘Veep’ Character Selina Meyer to Roast Stephen Colbert
Rolling Stone 1h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories