Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 7:00 PM UTC

Saturday, May 9, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

More Cameras. More Problems.
Original: The Instax Wide 400 builds on instant photography’s simplicity and stretches it, literally
TechCrunch 5h ago
AI's Got a Rich Daddy.
Original: Nvidia has already committed $40B to equity AI deals this year
TechCrunch 6h ago

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

Rich People Problems.
Original: ‘The S&P 500 seems to be doing particularly well’: I’m 66. Is this a good time to invest $100,000 in the stock market?
MarketWatch 3h ago
Generosity Has a Price, Apparently.
Original: My niece is on Social Security Disability Insurance. Will she lose her health insurance if I buy her a house?
MarketWatch 3h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Still Relevant? Bless Her Heart.
Original: Janet Jackson Says ‘Rhythm Nation’ Is “Alive and Well” at Grammy Hall of Fame Gala
Hollywood Reporter 2h ago
Exploitation Studies Now Available.
Original: ‘Margo’s Got Money Troubles’ Producers Made a Real OnlyFans Account for Research: ‘We Didn’t Want to Judge Margo’
Variety 2h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories