Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 1:00 PM UTC

Monday, October 5, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

Money Can’t Buy You Class.
Original: Dodgers’ Freddie Freeman Sends Cold Braves Message After $162 Million Move
Forbes Business 2h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Tech Bro Convinced He’s a Glitch—Checks Out.
Original: Sam Altman Says ‘Artificial’ Filmed Outside His House and He Waved at Andrew Garfield: ‘He Did Walk Like Me … I Felt I Was in Some Weird Glitch of the Simulation’
Variety 1h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories