Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 5:00 AM UTC

Tuesday, September 29, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

God Hates Your GPU.
Original: Pope Leo Says AI Safety Fears Are Not ‘Fake News’ And Criticizes Nvidia’s Billionaire CEO
Forbes Business 1h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Survivor Still Surviving: Shocking.
Original: Jeff Probst Says “Nothing Has Changed” on ‘Survivor’ After Paramount Rolled Back DEI Policies
Hollywood Reporter 2h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories