Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 2:00 PM UTC

Tuesday, September 1, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

War is Expensive. Buy Stocks.
Original: Global oil prices surge above $92 a barrel after report of strikes on two tankers in the Strait of Hormuz
MarketWatch 2h ago
Sibling Rivalry: Inheritance Edition.
Original: ‘It’s not fair’: My twin brother and I were left houses by our parents. Can I make him pay his share for taxes and upkeep?
MarketWatch 2h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Hollywood Mourns: Studio Manners Now a Crisis.
Original: Gal Gadot Says ‘Wonder Woman 3’ Getting Axed and Henry Cavill’s Superman Exit Were ‘Not Handled Elegantly’ by the Studio but ‘We’re All Adults and It’s All Good’
Variety 2h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories