Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 4:00 PM UTC

Monday, August 31, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Ageism: The New Campaign Strategy.
Original: Senate challenger Moulton says Markey is too old for another term. Young Massachusetts Democrats are divided
PBS NewsHour Politics 3h ago
Congress: Back to Work, Briefly.
Original: WATCH LIVE: House returns after August recess to tackle stopgap spending bill and more
PBS NewsHour Politics 4h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

Family Values: Pricier Than a Divorce.
Original: ‘We are committed Christians’: Our son and daughter-in-law cut us off over politics. Should we change our $3 million will?
MarketWatch 3h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Sports ★ 5 stories