Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 12:00 PM UTC

Saturday, August 29, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Dress Grown. Still Too Fast.
Original: ‘I wanted to find the slowest fashion imaginable’: the woman growing her own dress
The Guardian World 2h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Daddy’s Money, My Problems.
Original: ‘I feel shoehorned’: My father funded my $800,000 Roth IRA. Does that give him the right to say how I invest it?
MarketWatch 2h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Capitalism Mourns Dolly.
Original: Searches for Dolly Parton T-Shirts Are Up 10,000 Percent in Wake of Singer’s Death
Rolling Stone 5h ago
Another Gentle Dance Into Oblivion.
Original: ‘The Song of Scorpions,’ ‘Qissa’ Director Anup Singh Sets Mumbai Film ‘Lasya: The Gentle Dance’ (EXCLUSIVE)
Variety 5h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories