Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 5:00 AM UTC

Thursday, August 13, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

AI Cheating: Now With Added Guilt.
Original: Some Claude users are mad that Anthropic’s new watermarks will catch them using it at their jobs, classes
TechCrunch 7h ago

World ★ 5 stories

Nation’s Priorities: Watermelons and Insults.
Original: Australia politics live: Taylor’s staffer berates journalist for asking about Icac; Coalition again targets Albanese over melon comments in question time
The Guardian World 1h ago
Landlords Are People Too.
Original: Three Palestinian families besieged in their homes by Israeli settlers
Al Jazeera 1h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Rock Star Remembers He Can Still Play, Briefly.
Original: Ritchie Blackmore Performs With Deep Purple for First Time Since Acrimonious Split in Early ’90s, After Warning Fans: ‘I Have Not Played Rock Music in 25 Years’
Variety 1h ago
Pretending is an Olympic Sport Now.
Original: Zurich Film Fest Galas Set for Award Contenders ‘I Play Rocky,’ ‘Possible Love,’ ‘Josephine’
Hollywood Reporter 2h ago
Revolution? Or Just Another IP.
Original: Indian Freedom Fighter Bhagat Singh Series in Development at Collective Studios’ Historyverse (EXCLUSIVE)
Variety 2h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories