Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 9:00 AM UTC

Monday, July 13, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Region Gets Another Round of 'Fun'!
Original: Iran launches attacks on American military facilities in Bahrain and Kuwait after fresh US strikes – Middle East crisis live
The Guardian World 2h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Dame Helen Needs Another Hobby.
Original: Helen Mirren relists her longtime Hollywood Hills estate for $13 million after big renovation
MarketWatch 2h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Royalty Auctions Off Attention Span.
Original: Jay-Z Closes Yankee Stadium Residency With Epic Late Night Show Featuring Beyoncé, Rihanna, Usher, Teyana Taylor and More
Variety 2h ago
Witches Need PR Too, Apparently.
Original: Natalia Solórzano Vásquez’s ‘Spells to Revive a Witch,’ About Mythical Fortune Teller Soralla de Persia, Gets Backing from Spain, Uruguay (EXCLUSIVE)
Variety 3h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories