Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 1:00 AM UTC

Thursday, July 2, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

More rectangles. Thrilling.
Original: Apple is reportedly planning new iPad Pro and MacBook Pro releases early next year
TechCrunch 4h ago

World ★ 5 stories

Patriotism: A Competition.
Original: Zohran Mamdani plans ‘major address’ to mark US’s 250th anniversary ahead of Trump’s Mount Rushmore speech – live
The Guardian World 3h ago
Slowly Boiling Democracy: Delicious?
Original: Australia politics live: independents warn they are ‘frog in the pot’ for democracy as Labor pushes to change parliament vote rules
The Guardian World 3h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Sports ★ 5 stories