Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 1:00 AM UTC

Friday, June 5, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Another One Bites the Dust.
Original: Former Biden official Deb Haaland wins New Mexico primary for governor
Washington Post Politics 2h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Politicians Explain Things. Shocking.
Original: Australia news live: Barnaby Joyce clarifies One Nation housing policy after interview blunder; John Howard signs open letter urging gambling reforms
The Guardian World 2h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Power Lunch, Power Harassment.
Original: Graham Platner Faces Accusations Of 'Toxic' Relationships And Disturbing Behavior—Days After Sexting Scandal
Forbes Business 3h ago
Shared Equity, Shared Regret.
Original: I own a house with my sister, but the mortgage is in her name. Could this come back to bite me?
MarketWatch 4h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Another Rom-Com. How Novel.
Original: ‘Office Romance’ Review: Jennifer Lopez and Brett Goldstein Are Oddly but Endearingly Matched in a Frisky Workplace Romcom
Variety 2h ago
Vanity's a Harsh Critic.
Original: Rupert Everett Says He “Ruined” Himself Trying to Attain Perfect Body for Roles
Hollywood Reporter 2h ago
Heaven's Got a New Docu-Series.
Original: Late Actor Christian Oliver Wrapped a New Spiritual Documentary Weeks Before His Death
Hollywood Reporter 2h ago
Patriotism, Apparently, Is Now a Paid Event.
Original: Trump Makes It Official: The ‘Freedom 250’ Concerts Are Canceled — to Be Replaced With ‘the Greatest Rally EVER!,’ Starring Him and (Surprise) Lee Greenwood
Variety 2h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories