Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 12:00 PM UTC

Friday, May 29, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Democracy: Now With Extra Steps.
Original: South Carolina Democrats expected to celebrate after failure of Trump-backed redistricting push
ABC News Politics 9h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Democracy: A Spectator Sport.
Original: ‘This is so pathetic’: Reform and Restore Britain lock horns in Makerfield byelection buildup
The Guardian World 7h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

$300 to Track Your Descent.
Original: The latest Oura and Fitbit wearables are smarter and sleeker than ever — but do they keep you healthy?
MarketWatch 7h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Sports ★ 5 stories