Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 7:00 AM UTC

Tuesday, May 26, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Texas: Still a Winner.
Original: Cornyn tries to hold on to Texas Senate seat in runoff with Paxton, the latest test of Trump's power
ABC News Politics 1d ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

Luxury Silence, Eventually.
Original: Sennheiser’s new Momentum 5 headphones have upgraded ANC and a replaceable battery
The Verge 1d ago

World ★ 5 stories

Lights On, Justice Off.
Original: Australia news live: Victorian buildings to be lit up for Neale Daniher; no charges laid after Kumanjayi White’s death in custody
The Guardian World 1d ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Cheap Gas: Just What We Needed.
Original: Oil prices tumble as deal to end Iran war appears close, though Trump says there’s no rush
MarketWatch 1d ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Billy Idol Still Knows How to Lean.
Original: Billy Idol Delivers Empowering Lifetime Achievement Award Acceptance Speech, Closes AMAs With Hit Medley
Hollywood Reporter 1d ago

Sports ★ 5 stories