Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 2:00 PM UTC

Saturday, May 9, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Comey's Karma? Still Messy.
Original: DOJ sees fallout after push to prosecute former FBI director James Comey
Washington Post Politics 5h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

Generosity Has a Price, Apparently.
Original: My niece is on Social Security Disability Insurance. Will she lose her health insurance if I buy her a house?
MarketWatch 1h ago
Peak Performance, Briefly.
Original: Cardinals World Series Champion, Rookie Sensation With Career Cut Short, Dies
Forbes Business 1h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Rich Kids. Shocking.
Original: I Grew Up With Jeffrey Epstein. Our Neighborhood Held Dark Secrets
Rolling Stone 2h ago
Nine Justices, Zero Empathy.
Original: The Supreme Court Is Considering Whether to Deal Another Big Blow to Abortion Access
Rolling Stone 2h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories