Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 9:00 AM UTC

Wednesday, May 6, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

States redraw lines. Surprise.
Original: South Carolina joins Southern redistricting push after US Supreme Court ruling on minority districts
ABC News Politics 2h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Diplomacy: A Suggestion, Apparently.
Original: Middle East crisis live: Trump changes strait of Hormuz plan again as Rubio says US offensive is ‘over’
The Guardian World 1h ago
Ohio Chooses Wisely.
Original: Vivek Ramaswamy wins Republican nomination for Ohio governor
BBC World 1h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Rich Guy Wonders If He’s the Problem.
Original: ‘I have more money than I know what to do with’: I’m a single millionaire with no heirs and don’t like spending. What’s wrong with me?
MarketWatch 1h ago
54 Years. Still Broke. Surprise.
Original: ‘I always did the graveyard shift’: I worked for 54 years. Why on earth would I wait to claim Social Security at 70?
MarketWatch 2h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Sports ★ 5 stories

Money Always Wins.
Original: Chelsea owners face moment of reckoning amid fan backlash
BBC Sport 4h ago