Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 7:00 PM UTC

Tuesday, May 5, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Justice: Now with extra speed.
Original: Prosecutors to ‘fast-track’ hate crime cases in England and Wales after spate of attacks
The Guardian World 10h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Chip Dreams Die Hard.
Original: The last time semiconductor stocks rose this far this quickly, the dot-com bubble burst
MarketWatch 10h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Kids Know Best, Apparently.
Original: LISTEN: How Gen Z and Gen Alpha are Saving Moviegoing; 10 Questions With Colin Hanks and Ryan Reynolds
Variety 10h ago
Nostalgia's a Business, Apparently.
Original: Guillermo del Toro to Bring ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’ Back to Cannes in 4K, 20 Years After Its Record-Breaking Standing Ovation
Variety 10h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories