Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 9:00 AM UTC

Saturday, October 17, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Seahawks: Excellence in Losing.
Original: Turnovers keep piling up for the Seahawks, who are looking to rebound after losing 2 straight games
ABC News Politics 7h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

Money Always Wins.
Original: La Liga Has Replaced The Premier League As The Home Of Soccer’s Top Earners
Forbes Business 1h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Artistic Integrity? They're Raising Money.
Original: ‘Renoir’ Producers Join Asia-Europe Co-Production Panel at Tokyo Market as Japanese Accelerator Atmovie Global Track Partners With Ties That Bind
Variety 4h ago
Eternal? Bless their hearts.
Original: Miley Cyrus Tearfully Pays Tribute to Dolly Parton With “Jolene” Performance at Hollywood Bowl: “Me and Dolly, We Are Eternal”
Hollywood Reporter 5h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories