Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 12:00 PM UTC

Friday, October 16, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

Retirement Plans: Peak Timing.
Original: ‘It’s a wait-and-see situation’: I’m 63 and diagnosed with lymphoma. Should I take my Social Security next year?
MarketWatch 33m ago
$4 Million Isn’t Enough, Apparently.
Original: My wife says we can’t afford to retire. I vetoed her $8,000 trip to Italy. We’re in our 60s and have $4 million. Do I keep working?
MarketWatch 48m ago
$55,000 to Avoid Human Contact.
Original: Can a $55,000-plus robot load the dishwasher? Inside my afternoon with two humanoid housekeepers.
MarketWatch 1h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Happy Workers, Happy Weapons.
Original: ‘The Big Boom!,’ Documentary About Weapons Factory Workers, Picked Up by Lightdox Ahead of IDFA Premiere (EXCLUSIVE)
Variety 13m ago

Sports ★ 5 stories