Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 2:00 AM UTC

Wednesday, October 7, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Monopoly Just Got a New Board.
Original: Paramount completes its takeover of Warner Bros to become one Hollywood giant known as Skydance
ABC News Politics 2h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

Family Values: Now With a Moat.
Original: My brother-in-law convinced his parents to sign over their home and life savings to buy a $3 million compound. Do I intervene?
MarketWatch 5h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Advice from TV’s Scold: Please Sing Louder.
Original: Megyn Kelly Tells Olivia Rodrigo to ‘Stick to Singing’ After Speaking Out About Cornell 7 Case: ‘You Don’t Know What the F— You’re Talking About’
Variety 2h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories

Money Always Wins.
Original: Why a Tyreek Hill-Chiefs reunion makes so much sense
ESPN 4h ago