Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 5:00 AM UTC

Saturday, October 3, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Ivory Tower Gets a Scrubber.
Original: News Wrap: New York AG appointed as special prosecutor in Cornell rape case
PBS NewsHour Politics 6h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

Dreams Sold Separately.
Original: WWE Money In The Bank Field Is Set — Here's The Full Card After SmackDown
Forbes Business 2h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Diversity Points: Now With Jury!
Original: New York’s Inaugural Muslim Film Festival Aims to Move Past Counter-Narratives, Unveils Lineup, Jury (EXCLUSIVE)
Variety 1h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories