Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 12:00 PM UTC

Thursday, October 1, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Democracy: Still a Show.
Original: We polled two must-watch House races. There are good signs for Democrats.
Washington Post Politics 4h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

Success Makes You Crazy. Who Knew?
Original: After I sold TOMS Shoes for $400 million I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder — and it almost cost me everything
MarketWatch 2h ago
Eighty and Equitied: Stairs or Hospice?
Original: ‘I have $400,000 in equity’: I’m 80. Should I sell my house because of dangerous stairs — or spend thousands renovating?
MarketWatch 2h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Capitalism Has a New Icon.
Original: Caitlin Clark’s Signature Nike Shoe, the Caitlin 1, Makes Its Long-Awaited Debut
Hollywood Reporter 2h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories