Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 2:00 AM UTC

Thursday, September 24, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Navy Morale: Peak Performance Achieved.
Original: Senator confirms ‘eight suicide attempts’ by US navy personnel assigned to USS Abraham Lincoln carrier group – live
The Guardian World 1h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Entitlement’s a Harsh Credit Score.
Original: ‘It doesn’t seem fair’: I’m retired and have plenty of money. Why can’t I qualify for a retail credit card?
MarketWatch 3h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Sports ★ 5 stories

He Said It. Who Cares?
Original: Guerrero doubles down on contract comments: 'What I said is the way I feel'
ESPN 1h ago