Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 5:00 AM UTC

Friday, September 11, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

GOP: We Have Another One.
Original: Vance appears more like Trump’s heir apparent at GOP convention
Washington Post Politics 2h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

Laptop Now Cooks You Too.
Original: Boy developed "toasted skin" condition from using a laptop every day
Ars Technica 7h ago
Wahlberg Needs Your Hustle.
Original: Mark Wahlberg is coming to TechCrunch Disrupt 2026, and he wants to talk about your work, not his
TechCrunch 8h ago

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Hollywood Finds a Cause. Finally.
Original: ‘Being Heumann’ Review: Siân Heder’s First Film Since ‘CODA’ Is a Bold and Stirring Dramatization of the Protest That Launched the Disabled-Rights Revolution
Variety 2h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories