Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 9:00 AM UTC

Thursday, August 27, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Democracy: Now With Extra Steps.
Original: Maryland court rules Democratic-backed redistricting amendment cannot go on November ballot
ABC News Politics 8h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

Skinny Profits.
Original: Ozempic maker Novo Nordisk downgraded to sell after 70% stock-price dive from peak
MarketWatch 1h ago
Sun Sets on Profits.
Original: The Great Solar-Coal Flip: Rewiring Our Power Grid
Forbes Business 4h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Daddy Issues: Now With Added Tragedy.
Original: In ‘Eklipse,’ a Teen Faces Silence and Rejection After His Father Gets “the Gay Disease” (Exclusive Clip)
Hollywood Reporter 1h ago
Another Tree Falls for Content.
Original: Emmy-Winning Baobab Studios Lands Naver Ventures Investment, Sets ‘Shine’ as Flagship Title (EXCLUSIVE)
Variety 2h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories