Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 4:00 AM UTC

Thursday, August 27, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Meta Pays Up: Kids Still Sad.
Original: $17B Meta settlement puts focus on youth mental health crisis, Colorado AG says
PBS NewsHour Politics 6h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

Kids are the new ROI.
Original: Meta’s $18B child-safety deal hinges on age-verification tech that doesn’t work well
TechCrunch 6h ago

World ★ 5 stories

Banks Predict Doom; Australia Cheers.
Original: Australia news live: most banks now predict another rate hike; Ken Henry delivers warning over ‘stupid’ GST deal
The Guardian World 1h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Bless His Heart, He Wants to Share
Original: ‘My main goal is to help people’: I’m single, 74, with $10 million burning a hole in my pocket. What should I do?
MarketWatch 2h ago
Horses Run, Money Burns.
Original: Kentucky Downs Offers Richest Seven Days Of Racing In North America
Forbes Business 2h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Capitalism Dressed as a Ghost.
Original: Anthropologie’s Internet-Famous Icon Glasses Get Special Edition Halloween Designs
Hollywood Reporter 2h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories