Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 11:00 PM UTC

Wednesday, August 26, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Alaska Elects a Mascot?
Original: A federal prisoner with no clear ties to Alaska advances in primary for the state's US House seat
ABC News Politics 1h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

Kids are the product now.
Original: Meta’s $18B child-safety deal hinges on age verification tech that doesn’t work well
TechCrunch 1h ago
Greed Gets an Upgrade.
Original: Nvidia is about to be a hundred-billion-dollar-a-quarter company
The Verge 2h ago

World ★ 5 stories

Democracy: Now With Extra Litigation.
Original: Democratic states sue to block postal service from carrying out Trump’s mail-in voting order – US politics live
The Guardian World 1h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Kids: Still a terrible ROI.
Original: I just had my first baby and don’t want to go back to work. Is quitting for a year a bad idea?
MarketWatch 1h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Sports ★ 5 stories