Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 7:00 AM UTC

Friday, August 21, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Heritage Schmheritage.
Original: Vance will campaign at the Ohio steel plant where his grandfather once worked
ABC News Politics 1h ago
Bonds Cry. Nobody Cares.
Original: Why Treasury yields are at 20-year highs – and why it matters
PBS NewsHour Politics 9h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Everyone Liked Her. Penguins Didn’t.
Original: Australia news live: Hiker Lily Hooper remembered as someone ‘everyone liked’; testing under way after dozens of little penguins found dead
The Guardian World 1h ago
Party’s a cult. Shocker.
Original: Former NSW Liberal minister tells Icac ‘cult took over the party’
The Guardian World 1h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Money Keeps Moving. Surprise.
Original: Indonesian Billionaire’s Chandra Asri To Buy Jardine Cycle & Carriage’s Auto Dealership In Malaysia, Singapore
Forbes Business 3h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Texas: Where Mediocrity Gets a Ranch.
Original: Billy Bob Thornton Says “Holly­wood Wasn’t Nice” to Taylor Sheridan, But That “Texas Accepted” Him
Hollywood Reporter 3h ago
Catfish Gets Played by the System.
Original: Chris Hansen Didn’t Watch ‘Primetime’ Screening Because “A24 Wanted Me to Sign Away My Rights”
Hollywood Reporter 4h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories