Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 5:00 AM UTC

Monday, July 20, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Another Taxpayer Burden Arrives.
Original: JD and Usha Vance welcome a baby boy, the first child born to a sitting VP in more than 150 years
PBS NewsHour Politics 22h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Iran Promises Dry Wells: Good Luck With That.
Original: Iran vows not a ‘single drop’ of oil or gas will pass strait of Hormuz as US carries out ninth night of strikes – Middle East crisis live
The Guardian World 18h ago
Paradise Costs Extra.
Original: Australia spent more than $9m for each asylum seeker held on Nauru last year – so why can’t they afford to buy food?
The Guardian World 18h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

China Loves Soccer. Who Knew?
Original: Stephen Chow’s ‘Kung Fu Soccer’ Blasts Past $200 Million at China Box Office
Hollywood Reporter 19h ago
Dragon Guy Just Needs a Vacation.
Original: ‘House of the Dragon’ Star Fabien Frankel on Criston Cole’s Suicide Mission and His ‘Nihilism’: ‘He’s Losing the Will to Motivate’
Variety 21h ago
Capitalism Knows No Rest.
Original: Spain World Cup Champions Gear Unveiled Within Moments of Victory Over Argentina
Hollywood Reporter 22h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories