Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 4:00 PM UTC

Monday, June 1, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Tech ★ 5 stories

Privacy? Now That's a Niche.
Original: DuckDuckGo makes its ‘no-AI’ search engine easier to access as its traffic booms
TechCrunch 2h ago

World ★ 5 stories

Starmer's Office: Now Serving Despair.
Original: Mandelson described Starmer’s No 10 operation as ‘beleaguered and bereft’ in published files – UK politics live
The Guardian World 1h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Gas Prices: Peak Performance.
Original: Global oil prices jump 7% to top $97 a barrel after Iran reportedly suspends talks with U.S. and fully closes Strait of Hormuz
MarketWatch 1h ago
Nepotism Launches.
Original: SpaceX says it will reserve 5% of its IPO shares for staff, friends and family
MarketWatch 1h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

NYT: AI's About to Ruin Everything, Shocking.
Original: New York Times Publisher Warns That AI Companies Are Making Choices That ‘Violate Settled Law’ and Could Cause a ‘Great Deal of Unnecessary Harm’
Variety 1h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories