Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 2:00 PM UTC

Wednesday, May 13, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Democracy: Now With Extra Steps.
Original: Missouri Supreme Court upholds new US House districts backed by Trump that could help Republicans win an extra seat
ABC News Politics 2h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Golden Years, Echoing Screams.
Original: ‘The guards could not speak without yelling’: life as an 85-year-old ICE detainee
The Guardian World 2h ago

Business ★ 5 stories

Profits Bloom Where Innovation Withers.
Original: Alphabet is the top holding of this five-star fund that is also finding 240% gains in the ‘unsexy’ side of the AI buildout
MarketWatch 2h ago
Chips Decide Your Fate. Congrats.
Original: Semiconductor names have never before held this much sway over the stock market. History shows that could be a problem.
MarketWatch 2h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Another Producer, More Movies. Surprise Nobody.
Original: Vixens, Backer of ‘Paper Tiger’ and ‘Full Phil,’ Launches Ambitious Slate With Films From Kim Chapiron, Nima Nourizadeh, Jessy Moussallem, Eva Vik and Yann Demange (EXCLUSIVE)
Variety 2h ago
Acting Like a Dad: Now That's a Role.
Original: Barry Keoghan’s Big Cannes Plans: The Irishman Candidly Talks ‘Butterfly Jam,’ Playing Sir Ringo Starr and Tackling Fatherhood: “It’s OK to Be You as a Dad”
Hollywood Reporter 2h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories