Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 8:00 AM UTC

Tuesday, May 5, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Ohio Needs Another Savior. Great.
Original: Ramaswamy looks to put primary behind him and turn to expensive fall campaign for Ohio governor
ABC News Politics 1d ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

Airline Miles: Peak Consumer Joy.
Original: Your Spirit loyalty points are probably worthless now — but these other airlines may match your rewards
MarketWatch 1d ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

Acting Like It Matters Now.
Original: ‘Believe Me’: ‘Slow Horses,’ ‘Line of Duty’ Stars on the Key Role an Intimacy Coordinator Played on ITV’s “Black Cab Rapist” Victims Drama
Hollywood Reporter 22h ago
Thai Horror: Now With Extra Exploitation.
Original: ‘Death Whisperer’ Filmmaker’s Thai Horror ‘1 After One’ Boards Chada Entertainment for Sales Ahead of Cannes Market (EXCLUSIVE)
Variety 23h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories