Because the news cycle never sleeps, but we wish it would.

Edition · 6:00 PM UTC

Sunday, May 24, 2026

30 sarcastic headlines, curated by AI from the day's wire. Click any headline to read the original story at the source.

Politics ★ 5 stories

Gavel Bangs, Promises Break.
Original: Democrats vow a redistricting counterpunch but are facing hurdles Republicans don't
ABC News Politics 4h ago
Democracy's Still On, Folks.
Original: Trump endorses candidate in Texas runoff primary, even as some ballots are cast
NPR Politics 6h ago
God Wants a Bailout.
Original: Religious leaders, lawmakers push for $1 billion to secure houses of worship
NPR Politics 7h ago

Tech ★ 5 stories

World ★ 5 stories

Business ★ 5 stories

Priorities, people.
Original: Is the stock market closed on Memorial Day? Does the post office deliver mail?
MarketWatch 1h ago

Entertainment ★ 5 stories

$1 Billion Fleeced, Still No Spaceship.
Original: As ‘Star Citizen’ Hits $1 Billion in Lifetime Funding, Cloud Imperium Chiefs Reveal Fan Impact, ‘Squadron 42’ ‘Closing Stages’ Game Update (EXCLUSIVE)
Variety 2h ago

Sports ★ 5 stories